March 9: Pray for God to work in me and through me.

Sure thing. Ready . . . go!
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But, it's not always that easy, is it? I'm not sure I really want God to work in me. That means change. :Not sure I'm into all that change stuff.  Change is often painful. Pain just really doesn't appeal to me, thank you very much.

Although, maybe change would be a good thing. I'm not all that satisfied with who I am, the way I am. Maybe that would be a good thing...but it's not about me, is it?  Any work God does in or through me is for the benefit of others, though perhaps it would benefit me too.  That would be the happy by-product...as long as it's the change *I* want. ;-)  A few pounds thinner, fewer wrinkles and a whole lot less gray! :-D  

I suppose through me really gets more to the goal though, doesn't it - in me so that I can be a willing and acceptable vessel for the through me part.
Change my heart, O God. May I be more like Jesus was. Kind, caring, loving of others, going out of my way to help someone, giving of myself...egads! That sounds like giving up a part of me! That darn Jesus always wants so much of me...like, all of me.

Why is that so scary? Life on God's terms may take me places I'd rather not go, to do things I'd rather not do. I like my comfortable little cell. It's predictable, familiar. So what's the big deal? Why is stepping out of it so hard sometimes?  It's still a cell, a prison of sorts, isn't it?  And remaining inside doesn't allow me to fly, to be the creature God intended me to be, created me to be. 

Ash Wednesday's story of The Moth from season 1 of Lost really illustrates well, I think, the change and transformation God has in mind.  Locke could've enlarged the hole in the cocoon to let the moth out and keep it from the struggle to get free.  But had it been released without the struggle, its wings wouldn't have been strong enough or dry enough to allow it to live and thrive as a moth.  In the cocoon, the caterpillar is changed, transformed into a beautiful creature, the one God created it to be. 

Lent is like that cocoon, where I finally open myself to let God work in me and through me, gently, but boldly transforming me into the creature God intended me to be. So maybe if it's not overnight, I'd be ok with that. ;-)  Let me ponder that awhile...

In the meantime, work in me and through me, O God. Mold me into the disciple, the pastor, the mom, the human, the creature you want me to be. Help me fly free of the prison I have created for myself and into the world you need me to serve.  Help me respond to your call more faithfully. Give me courage and boldness to go where you need me to go and do what you would have me do.  And let me feel you with me, assuring me that you'll be with me through it all!  Amen.